+

-- 
==
http://www.MeetMyBody.com
==
"Pirslys" <pirslys@gmail.com> wrote in message 
news:gltg97$s18$1@trimpas.omnitel.net...
>  Due to the Credit Crunch our company has brought in some new rules :-
>
>
>   NEW OFFICE POLICY - EFFECTIVE JANUARY 27, 2009
>
>
>   Dress Code:
>
>
>   1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
>
>
>   2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes, Versace dresses and carry a Gucci 
> bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not 
> need a raise.
>
>
>   3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, 
> so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
>
>
>   4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and 
> therefore you do not need a raise.
>
>
>   Sick Days:
>   We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If 
> you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>
>
>   Personal Days:
>   Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called 
> Saturdays & Sundays.
>
>
>   Bereavement Leave:
>   This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead 
> friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have 
> non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases 
> where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled 
> in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your 
> lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
>
>
>   Bathroom Breaks:
>   Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a 
> strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, 
> an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door 
> will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your 
> picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic 
> Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be 
> sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
>
>
>   Lunch Breaks:
>   * Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so 
> that they can look healthy.
>
>
>   * Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to 
> maintain their average figure.
>
>
>   * Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time 
> needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
>
>
>   Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a 
> positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, 
> concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, 
> insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and 
> input should be directed elsewhere
>