+ Shiek tiek mazhiau nuneshtos Steven Wright mintys:


I installed a skylight in my apartment yesterday. The people who live above me are furious.
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I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I have a hobby...I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it...
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If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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I went into a restaurant and the sign said 'Breakfast anytime, so I ordered french toast during the Renaissance.
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If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
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There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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How young can you die of old age?
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I broke a mirror the other day. I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small coun
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